As a young grade eight pupil, I had a vision and desire for my life. That desire was to study hard so that I could go to university one day. But I had a big problem. I was very shy and reserved and therefore I was never popular nor did I have many friends. Instead, the older and rebellious boys bullied me. I found myself slipping into a shell and I was often a loner. Because I was never good at anything and I never received much attention, I found myself becoming obsessed with things that were totally outrageous. I found pleasure in doing things that a normal person would not think of doing.

It was during this time that I started smoking. I thought smoking would do something for my timid and reserved nature. I had to prove that I was also something. I wanted to prove that I too could do what the older, rebellious and popular boys could do. I took hold of my problem and tried to find a solution for it. Because of my search for acceptance I started smoking dagga as well. I must admit that my starting to smoke did offer solutions to my problems, but at the same time started problems that were greater than my initial ones. Like most young people, I thought it would just remain at smoking.

I remember getting drunk that weekend in grade 9. Not once did I give thought to the problems that could arise as a result of alcohol. Liquor was an instant solution to my reserved and shy nature. Little did I know that this stuff would control my life. I didn’t realize that liquor would cause me to become a thief, even stealing from my parents. From that weekend on I sought every opportunity to get drunk. I developed, as a schoolboy, a love for strong drink such as brandy, vodka, etc. I would get drunk on school days, even to the point where I bunked my matric exams to go and get drunk, and ending up with matric results like 10% for Maths. I got into trouble with the police because of indecent public behavior. I remember clearly how, as a school boy, when I had no money to buy alcohol or dagga, I would inhale glue, petrol, thinners, etc. I remember times when hours would pass by while I was busy with these things, and I found I could only be someone or something when I was under the influence.

When I left school my drinking habit just got worse. I found myself going to bed drunk at night and drinking myself drunk at work during the day. I stole money from work to support my addiction and so I continued losing control until it affected my relationship with family as well as friends. What looked like an easy solution to my problem only turned out to make my problems worse. After a while I started mixing dagga-smoking with my drinking to give me a bigger kick. Just before the radical change in my life, I would smoke dagga in the mornings, and get drunk in the afternoons and evenings. I reached a point where it was impossible for me to be sociable if I was not under the influence of something.

Through all this there was a deep emptiness and unhappiness. I was so unhappy that I would drink alone and smoke dagga by myself just to fill this gap in my life. I reached a stage when, no matter what I did, nothing brought any satisfaction. I had nothing to live for. I reached the end of myself while I was working in Johannesburg. It was during this time that the Lord Jesus visited me. I was alone, smoked-up one day and He showed me the way to true happiness and freedom. He showed me the way to the fullness of life, and today I am a free person, a slave of nothing.

I thought drugs and alcohol were the way to acceptance, and although it did work initially, what a bitter price I had to pay!

David is Married to Elize and they have 4 children and live in KZN.